


saving what we love

by redundant



Series: processing my feelings about tlj [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: (very mild spoilers but spoilers nonetheless), Friendship, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Implied Relationships, M/M, Other, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, god that's such a pure tag, yeah let's go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redundant/pseuds/redundant
Summary: finn thinks rose, and he thinks about poe, and he thinks about rey.





	saving what we love

When Rose kisses him on Crait, clouds of red kicked up on the salt plains, particles of blood-red dirt suspended around them like so many stars, he is expecting it. She tastes like- like everything. Everything around them. Like dirt and ash and rubble and blood, but the kiss is soft, even if her lips are chapped against his. It is short. She pulls away, smiles, and her eyes are shining with something that isn’t entirely tears.

It is his first kiss.

He is nothing but a heartbeat and a pair of sweaty palms, and a useless mouth that still hangs open a little after the fact, and then his jaw tightens and he listens, through the heartbeat, to her words. Replays them in his head as he takes his sweaty palms and lays her bleeding head to rest, in time with his pulse as he drags her body across the salt to safety. _Saving what we love_.

Her eyes were bright, always. Bright when she first looked at him, and bright now. There was always light in them, even when she looked over Canto Bight and that spark was one that seemed like it could burn the whole damn place to the ground. There was always hope.

(He can’t save her. He knows it, deep down, the fact lodged against his heart like a pebble in a boot, even as he takes her back. He will not save her, but the medics can.)

  


He can’t save Poe, either.

And it’s a weird thing, even now, the thing between him and Poe. Weird and shifting, changing. His heart gets- stuck on him. Always has, since he got a name and a one-way trip outta the First Order. Finn. A nobody with a blaster and a half-formed plan. And Poe. The Resistance pilot with the charm and the rugged good looks, who gave the nobody a name and a jacket and a place to come back to. Something to call his own that wasn’t a number.

( _Hero_ , Rose called him. Rose believed-

He was a hero, if only for a minute and a half.)

Poe, the idiot. The damn idiot with confidence built into his bones and a smile that tugged at him, took him by the wrist and made him follow. Tied on the end of a string. He draws the jacket round his shoulders sometimes and wonders what Poe saw, what Rose saw, that made them believe in him. He’s not smart. He’s not a good fighter. He can’t fly a plane like Poe does, he doesn’t have the Force like Rey, he isn’t a good enough strategist- the only thing he’s got going for him is a stint with the Stormtroopers that keeps him awake even now, awake and shivering and very, very cold. It’s a coldness that gets right into his core and eats away at him.

He needs- he needs somebody. To keep it from eating him alive. (He has somebody now. All the scrappy little fighters left over, crammed into the Falcon around him: they keep his head straight and his heart sure. He knows this. It’s just a little harder when he has to sleep, is all, and he’s too afraid to ask for- yeah. It’s stupid.)

And then Poe looks at him, and Poe smiles, and Finn feels his heart stumble.

  


Then there’s Rey.

Rey, the second one who looked at him like he was more than a number, and the first one who stayed. Smiled. Took his hand and made him feel a little less-

Look, she was a nobody from Jakku who hadn’t seen a speck of green in all the galaxy, and he was a nobody from the First Order who hadn’t seen a speck of good. She was made of fire and light and dusty knuckles. He was made of darkness and a worn jacket that wasn’t even his. They were both so damn lonely. They _are_ both lonely, still.

He woke up in a suit made of water and leaks and stumbled through the dizzying lights of the ship corridors looking for her, steadied by Poe; he held onto the signal for as long as he could. He tried to find her.

Now he sees her, through the rocks and rubble suspended in the air like so many stars. They part as he walks through them, a galaxy shifting aside for him, and he picks up the pace, feet stumbling, heart leaping, arms holding her tight because she was the first one who stayed, and he buries his head in her shoulder, her ear lodged against his face a little awkwardly (pebble, boot), but this is something he doesn’t mind sticking with.

There is a surge of pride that wells up, threatens to choke him when he looks at her. There is hope. _Rose will be happy_ , he thinks. And there is fear, too, for Rey- what is she now? What will she become? Her shoulders are straight and her eyes calm as she looks at them, but Finn doesn’t know what in the hell is going to happen.

“I missed you,” he will say later, when they have time.

“I know,” she will say, quietly, and he will hear the words unspoken: _I needed to go_. He will not hold it against her.

  


He looks at them, Poe and Rey, Rose’s kiss of ash and dirt still on his lips, and he feels something tug at his heart, take him by the wrist. They are the first and the second and the second and the first, and they mean-

(In the Order, there is no emotion attached to people, because people die. Everyone dies. Everyone in the Order is dead behind their helmets and their weapons, whether their hearts beat in their chests or not. Phasma died twice: once in a fire and once before that, too.)

But Rey and Poe mean the fucking world to him. This entire system. This galaxy, this universe, whatever. And one of them is his best friend, and the other is- something else, he doesn’t know, but something happens to him when he sees the smile and the jacket and-

Finn looks at them, and he feels something bloom in his chest. _Saving what you love._ There is still hope yet.

(And then Poe looks at him, and Poe smiles, and Finn feels his heart stumble.)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this pretty much immediately after getting back from watching tlj which was amazing, and i loved it, and i'm probably going to watch it again in a couple days. fun fact: i cried both inside and outside the theater (for a solid two minutes outside, might i add) and i have a lot of feelings, hence this thing. i cannot emphasize enough how rushed this was.  
> kudos/comments are highly appreciated, as are people screaming at me about tlj. i'm hoping i'll write more finn/poe, and i just. argh. i love star wars and these characters so, so, so much and i think i might be crying again love you bye <3


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